Whats your reason?

Want to know why I have a problem with trust? Because everyone lies. Yes, everyone baby. Everyone. If I didn't have my ways oh knowing things, I would live life in a web of lies. So I'll continue on with my life dealing with liars, you may not think I know. But I know. I know everything. I uncover each lie thats thrown at me. I have my ways. Another trait I inherited from dealing with my father. Theres a time and place for lies. But lying to get yourself out of situations, and lying to avoid hurting people is not a good enough excuse. Simple statement: You have probably lied to me one time or another. You have your reasons for them, but I pity you.. && You may think I do. But I don't trust you.

I don't make lies, so I'm not contradicting myself. I save my lies for parents, not my friends and loved ones -.-;.

In love once.

In my personal opinion, I feel strongly about only being able to be IN LOVE, once. Read this:
Say, this guy falls in love with someone, they're with each other for a long time. && they break up. All during this relationship the guy says wonderful things like " your the only one I want" " I would give up everything to be with you " " I don't want anyone else, because no one is better than you ". They break up. Then they say hurtful things about each other. Well what about all that bullshit talk about how much your in love with them and you want to be with them forever and nothing can change that? When it does change. So then, this guy (and btw, this guy is totally made up and no it's not based on anyone I know.. I just got to thinking about this after watching a movie)Okay so this guy meets a new girl, talks to her. Falls for her. && now their in love! saying the same damn thing " Im in love with you " " Your the only one for me " " I don't know what I'd do without you " Uhmm, hold up wait a second. You were just telling your previous girlfriend that there was no one else out there for you. Now look at you. Your with someone else saying the same fucking thing. So? How long will this girl be around? Until you move onto the next girl and tell her how much you are in love with her and how she is the only one for you and there is no one better? How can you tell a girl " there is no one better ". When you don't know? Especially after breaking up with someone who you previously told that too.. Then moved on and found someone better?? Sure you can tell someone you love them while your dating. But its different when you say you are IN LOVE. With them. Your contradicting yourself. >.< Arg, it just upsets me .. Sooo bad..

That wasn't about Ethan. But now that I think about it.. 0.0 It saddens me.. How many girls has he told he's been in love with them? -.-;.. How many girls has he told " Your the only one for me " ='[. Does it matter? To me, yeah. True. The past is the past. But the past reflects on the future..

asdklfj;asldj I just don't understand.

I don't have a title..

Its getting dark.. I'm outside sitting on the concrete near where my garbage cans are now. I'm crying. Dad comes storming out the back door , off the porch and into th back yard. He throws his hands up to the sky and with everything he had he screamed to heavens " TAKE ME GOD! ".. My mom comes out the back door crying her eyes out. Their fighting over something to do with me. I remember the reason vaguely. " I HAVE NO REASON TO LIVE " . He continued shouting to God.. Its my fault. It must be. He has no reason to live? I'm not worth living for. He's fighting cause of me. I'm the cause of my mother's pain, my dad's hatred. It's not the first fight to be caused over me. It's the first time he actually looked at me and told me he was leaving me. First time he stuck to his word, packed his bags, and left without a goodbye. Am I that much of a fuck up? I'm young, light weight. My mom picks me up and holds me for what feels life forever. She keeps telling me its not my fault, and he'll be back. But I say nothing cause I know It IS my fault. He doesn't return for a while. I haven't talked to him in a month.. When I did, I told him I was sorry, I missed him and I promised I wouldn't cause anymore fights. He cried , and came home that night. Many more fights followed. Reasons were always the same. He never left again. Yet he threatened us. On a weekly basis that he would do it again. We couldn't survive without him. My sorrow turned to hate and disrespect. Years later. He said the same thing " I'll just pack up my shit and get the hell out of here, see how much you'll miss me then ". For once I don't beg him to stay. I don't get on my knees and tell him I need him, nor do I cry. He looked at me for those things but I didn't give it to him. I gave him what he deserved.. I told him I'd help him pack and find a hotel because me and mom didn't need him. I told him I was sick and I was tired of letting him hurt mom and make me feel like the cause of every fight and every tear. I turned my back and I didn't speak to him until he said he was sorry. For once he apologized, that was four years ago. To this day, I swear he has never threatened to leave us again. Fights have never been as bad as they used to be. They're also rare. Because he knows .. we don't play his games anymore.

To ethan..

Hey baby,
I was just thinking about you. I thought I'd write you a well deserved letter..
I'm wearing your jacket. It smells like you. I can't stop smelling it. I mish you.
&& I love you. I love you so much it hurts =[. I'm tearing up as we speak (aren't I pathetic?). I can't explain why it hurts. Should It hurt? It's a good kind of hurt I suppose. I smell you. So I feel like your here, especially when I close my eyes. But your not here =[. So it saddens me. I want to hold you.. I want to lay with you and look into your eyes, without making weird faces or breaking the stare by saying " what ". I'd give anything to kiss you. It kills me I can't be with you when I want. && It's impossible cause I want you always. But we see each other briefly at school and even though I have you all weekend , it still doesn't feel like enough. I feel so alone after I come back from my house. && when you leave here I want so bad to run out the door and bring you back in. I've never felt this way and its scary to me. I'm in love with you so deeply. I'm so far in and theres no turning back. I wouldn't change that fact for the world. But things happen. && thats what scares me, knowing at any moment.. someone could walk in and take you. If not that, god himself could take you from me. What am I to do if that happens? Don't ever leave me. For no one.. I promise no one can love you like I love you.. I may be crude sometimes but I make up for it. && If God ever calls you up, tell him to shut the fuck up. Because you belong here, with me. Always. I mean what I say by always. && if you don't get it. I want to marry you one day. I want to have your babies and I want grow old and die with you. Together. I never thought I'd say that to someone and mean it until I was much older. But I'm young and I mean it. I don't know if you feel the same, but just know. I can not.. wait.. to get old enough to move into my own place with you. So I can hold you every night. && wake up to your beautiful face every morning.. I just thought I'd let you know how much you really mean to me. && how serious I am when I tell you I love you and your mine, always and forever..

<3,
Your lover.

Is it stupid?

Is it stupid to make someone your everything?
Even thought theres a chance you could lose that person and you would be left with nothing?
Is it wrong to want to be with someone for the rest of your life,
even though your only 16?

[I could see myself with him 10 years from now]

How am I supposed to take it when I have people saying
" Yeah you don't really love him, your just infatuated"
Because we fell to quickly..
Becuase we're too young...
How do they know how I feel?
How do they know anyting?
They don't.
I do.
Theres no such thing as a perfect person.
But there is such thing as a perfect person for you.
Ethan is my perfect person.
I love him.
Im IN love with him.
&& I'm 16.
So what?
I don't plan , and I don't want, to be with anyone else.
Nor do I care to know who else is out there. I'm perfectly happy where I am
and who I'm with now.
He's my baby..
He's my everything..

Get Your Own! | View Slideshow

Me && Ethan

 

I'm pathetic

I am a low life at its lowest -.-;
Iii don't go to school.
Anddd I get bad grades because of it.
I realize that.
But, instead of doing something about it, I say "Fuck it im going back t o bed"
Like now,
I should be getting ready to go to school.
But I've already decided that I'm now.
For what purpose?
I don't feel like it.
I have no motivation.
Even when people...
okay scratch people..
even when Chris or Nikki tries to tell me I need to go to school
Iiim like " yeah okay"..
Iono where I'm gonna be 5 years from now -.-;.
Might be better off If I were dead,
so I wouldn't have to worry about this kinda stuff.
But I dun wanna die.
I want money =[.
But I can't have money without going to school.
So I lose?
Maybe It'll change when dad doesn't have a job.
He said that he would be out of work in like 2 weeks..
Either way-
I'm not going to school today.

Love vs. Logic

This is deff. one of those conversations I have to save.. Sooo I'm coming back to blogger after o.0 5 months... =]

Longfellow300-Chris
Kaleybaby13-Me

longfellow300: i say this judging from the fact that he confessed his love to you through a text message after dating you for a week and a half
longfellow300: dont ask me why that stuck in my mind all this time
KaLeY BaBy 13: o.0
KaLeY BaBy 13: he didnt
KaLeY BaBy 13: what the fuck are you talking about
longfellow300: this was
longfellow300: forever ago
longfellow300: when you two just started goin out or whatever
longfellow300: and he was in some other state
longfellow300: he sent you a text
longfellow300: and said
longfellow300: something along the lines of
longfellow300: i love you... ur my world.. ur my everything.....
KaLeY BaBy 13: o.0
KaLeY BaBy 13: that wasnt a week an a half into it
KaLeY BaBy 13: yea
KaLeY BaBy 13: like
longfellow300: fairly close to it
KaLeY BaBy 13: i love you
KaLeY BaBy 13: i love WHO YOU ARE
KaLeY BaBy 13: never IN LOVE
KaLeY BaBy 13: theres a diffrence
KaLeY BaBy 13: see
KaLeY BaBy 13: i love you chris
KaLeY BaBy 13: but im not in love with you
longfellow300: no
longfellow300: i remember
longfellow300: the phrase
longfellow300: "you're my world"
KaLeY BaBy 13: i promise
KaLeY BaBy 13: that wasnt said when he was in kentucky
longfellow300: ok
longfellow300: i just remember thinking
longfellow300: after you showed me the text
longfellow300: "wow.. kinda soon for that"
KaLeY BaBy 13: you follow your head not your heart
KaLeY BaBy 13: you know that?
longfellow300: the heart is fickle
longfellow300: i prefer my head
longfellow300: it makes better decisions
KaLeY BaBy 13: not everyones
KaLeY BaBy 13: hearts differ my friend
longfellow300: the heart runs on emotions
longfellow300: the brain
longfellow300: on logic
longfellow300: emotions run hot and cold
longfellow300: but logic is the same no matter how you look at it
KaLeY BaBy 13: logic is also based on emotions proving why people have diffrent thoughts
longfellow300: umm
longfellow300: ummm
longfellow300: ummm
longfellow300: that makees noooooooo fucking sense whatsoever!!!!!
KaLeY BaBy 13: -.-;
KaLeY BaBy 13: also why they have diffrent beliefs
KaLeY BaBy 13: religons
KaLeY BaBy 13: it goes into more than just the surface of thinking
KaLeY BaBy 13: emotions effect every action or mood of a person
longfellow300: but they shouldnt
KaLeY BaBy 13: but they do
longfellow300: thats my point
KaLeY BaBy 13: thats how life is
KaLeY BaBy 13: thats how your body works
KaLeY BaBy 13: if you get mad chris
KaLeY BaBy 13: you get loud and you might hit things like i do
KaLeY BaBy 13: see
KaLeY BaBy 13: emotions effect every action or mood of a person
KaLeY BaBy 13: so you cant say
KaLeY BaBy 13: they shouldnt
KaLeY BaBy 13: when you do the same thing
KaLeY BaBy 13: jsut like
KaLeY BaBy 13: every breathing body on this planet
longfellow300: but that doesnt justify
longfellow300: making decisions based on emotions
KaLeY BaBy 13: yet you do it all the time
longfellow300: and i know that it is imperfect
longfellow300: and i try to keep my emotions in check
longfellow300: cuz they make me act in ways that i dont want to
KaLeY BaBy 13: SO how can you say " emotions shouldnt effect your decision making and the way you act"
KaLeY BaBy 13: it does
KaLeY BaBy 13: THATS logical thinking
KaLeY BaBy 13: YOU cant help it
KaLeY BaBy 13: if you get PISSED
KaLeY BaBy 13: your gonna ACT pissed
KaLeY BaBy 13: if your happy
KaLeY BaBy 13: YOUR GOING TO SMILE
KaLeY BaBy 13: if feel like your in love
KaLeY BaBy 13: THEN by god your in love
KaLeY BaBy 13: simple
longfellow300: im not going to argue with you on this point
longfellow300: becuase
KaLeY BaBy 13: why not?
longfellow300: i cant type as fast
KaLeY BaBy 13: ill slow down
longfellow300: however
KaLeY BaBy 13: go ahead
KaLeY BaBy 13: i wanna know
KaLeY BaBy 13: however?
longfellow300: i will concede
longfellow300: that emotions dictate our actions
longfellow300: but
longfellow300: decisions made purely on emotions
longfellow300: are not typically the most sound
KaLeY BaBy 13: okay
KaLeY BaBy 13: what makes you think
KaLeY BaBy 13: love is such a bad thing?
KaLeY BaBy 13: why is it not logical
KaLeY BaBy 13: YET
KaLeY BaBy 13: everyone
KaLeY BaBy 13: EVERY fucking one
KaLeY BaBy 13: who lives out their life
KaLeY BaBy 13: will become in love with someone
KaLeY BaBy 13: why fight it?
KaLeY BaBy 13: love is based on the brain and heart btw
longfellow300: im not saying fight love
longfellow300: im saying
KaLeY BaBy 13: but
KaLeY BaBy 13: chris
KaLeY BaBy 13: this is about lvoe
KaLeY BaBy 13: this is
KaLeY BaBy 13: what started this conversation
longfellow300: LET ME FUCKING FINISH!!!!
longfellow300: im saying
longfellow300: that one cant just jump into
KaLeY BaBy 13: *cowers*
longfellow300: it
longfellow300: one has to give it consideration
longfellow300: its easy to be washed away in the current
longfellow300: and then you end up washed up on some desolate shore in the middle of nowhere
longfellow300: you have to build a boat
longfellow300: not go for a swin
longfellow300: swim
longfellow300: so to speak
longfellow300: there
longfellow300: done
KaLeY BaBy 13: when did this become an episode of survior..
longfellow300: -.-
longfellow300: it was a metaphor
KaLeY BaBy 13: i know
KaLeY BaBy 13: but see
KaLeY BaBy 13: there is a diffrence between love
KaLeY BaBy 13: and puppy love
KaLeY BaBy 13: YOU see everyone who claims they are in love
KaLeY BaBy 13: as if they was infatuated
KaLeY BaBy 13: whyy cant two 16 year olds be in love?
KaLeY BaBy 13: in real love
longfellow300: thats a fair question
longfellow300: but
longfellow300: i dont think that 2 16 year olds can be in love because
longfellow300: i dont think either of them have the capacity to interperet thier emotions at that age
longfellow300: hormonal imbalances run rampant
longfellow300: at that age
longfellow300: and one is easily infatuated
longfellow300: ALSO
longfellow300: i dont believe that love has time enought to develope in the course of a few months
longfellow300: more like years
longfellow300: love is
longfellow300: kind of
longfellow300: like
longfellow300: *starts talking about what he doesnt really know about too well*
longfellow300: being able to be with someone and HATE thier guts
longfellow300: and still not be able to see a life without them
longfellow300: or something
KaLeY BaBy 13: annndd 16 year olds cant do that?
KaLeY BaBy 13: i cant say i hate ethan
KaLeY BaBy 13: but i dunno what id do if he up and left the state
KaLeY BaBy 13: id prolly follow 0.0
KaLeY BaBy 13: love - a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
KaLeY BaBy 13: where does reasoning and affection cross?
longfellow300: it seldom does
KaLeY BaBy 13: give an example
KaLeY BaBy 13: when the two cross
KaLeY BaBy 13: ya cant can ya
longfellow300: i can
longfellow300: when you understand that this person can work for you and that this is the best person to ever be in your life
longfellow300: andDDDD
longfellow300: have enought life experience to have more than 6 or 7 boy friends previous
KaLeY BaBy 13: r u refering to me
longfellow300: no
longfellow300: im refering
longfellow300: to your average 16 y/0
longfellow300: who
longfellow300: has very few serious relationships
longfellow300: then a good guy comes along
longfellow300: and they LOOOOVVVVEEEEEE
longfellow300: him
longfellow300: and they know that he is the best thing they have ever seen
longfellow300: but they are comparing him to only what they have already known
longfellow300: instead of what is actually out there
KaLeY BaBy 13: what about
KaLeY BaBy 13: the ones
KaLeY BaBy 13: who have several serious relationships
KaLeY BaBy 13: and they LOOOOOVVVEEE their current
longfellow300: agian
longfellow300: a 16 y/o
longfellow300: hasnt had enough time to have had several seious relationships
KaLeY BaBy 13: 2
KaLeY BaBy 13: why not
longfellow300: nor the maturity to carry that many out
KaLeY BaBy 13: why cant a 16 year old have two serious relationships
KaLeY BaBy 13: that both were in for a year
longfellow300: i belive that the maturity to carry out a serious relationship
longfellow300: comes with age

IM GETTING SICK OF HIM TALKING ABOUT MATURITY AND CAPACITY LEVELS. We arn't fucking babies, we don't walk around in dipers going when we please. Good god. This boy acts like he has room to freaking talk... ---> Continue

longfellow300: the age of just around 16 or 17
KaLeY BaBy 13: how can you know this?
longfellow300: depending on the person
KaLeY BaBy 13: your what? 17
KaLeY BaBy 13: how can you know this
KaLeY BaBy 13: thats right
KaLeY BaBy 13: YOU DONT
KaLeY BaBy 13: and may i say why
longfellow300: thatdslpSK;G BHRL;H BKSAD'LFBH
KaLeY BaBy 13: because my friend
KaLeY BaBy 13: you havnt been in that situation
KaLeY BaBy 13: you havnt ever began to felt what its like to be in love
longfellow300: thats why i said BELIEVE
KaLeY BaBy 13: cause youve never been givin the chance
longfellow300: DONT GO THERE
KaLeY BaBy 13: so YOU CANT state that 16 year olds cant love AS A FACT
KaLeY BaBy 13: NO
KaLeY BaBy 13: YOU PUSHED ME THERE
KaLeY BaBy 13: YOUR TELLING ME
KaLeY BaBy 13: IM NOT IN LOVE
longfellow300: I HAVE GIVEN IT A CHANCE
longfellow300: and i had my heart crushed with stillheto heel
longfellow300: because
longfellow300: i wasnt mature enough to see that i was just infatuated
KaLeY BaBy 13: no
KaLeY BaBy 13: the woman you were with , wasnt looking for the same thing you were
KaLeY BaBy 13: it takes two
KaLeY BaBy 13: TWO PEOPLE
KaLeY BaBy 13: looking FOR THE SAME THING
KaLeY BaBy 13: inorder to be in love
KaLeY BaBy 13: ONE perosn cant be looking for love and the other be looking for some ass
KaLeY BaBy 13: it doesnt work like that
KaLeY BaBy 13: and thats where you get your logcial statistics from
longfellow300: no shit
KaLeY BaBy 13: AVERAGE 16 year olds ONLY WANT SEX AND LUST
KaLeY BaBy 13: thats an AVERAGE
KaLeY BaBy 13: that is NOT every fucking teenager out there
KaLeY BaBy 13: SO PLEASE
KaLeY BaBy 13: all im asking
KaLeY BaBy 13: IS DONT SPEAK FOR EVERYONE
longfellow300: fine
longfellow300 signed off at 11:13:52 PM.

Yeah, thats right. This boy is basing alllll his information on what he has been through. This boy, went through one bad relationship... The girl freaking turned lesbian on him!!! && I know this girl.. Chris might of been looking for love but that word was farrrrrr from mind to this girl.. I just hate people like him; like how I used to be. I hate people who see love as something only old folks can do. && It pisses me off even more that he states that a 16 year old cant love AS A FACT... Thats not a fact?! Not when its disproven everyday... Not when he's got a couple sitting infront of his face in love and totally aginst everything he says... && I come to the conclusion.. I should just let it go. Cause everyone has a diffrent perspective on love... Its rare to find two people who believe in the same damn thing. Cause as that conversation was going on. I was talking to someone on the side , who he brought up love (because him and his 4 year girlfriend just broke up) and he stated that love is perfect. Thats BULLSHIT.. Love is far from perfect. If your love life is perfect. Nothing has ever went wrong, then its not true love.. Because you'e got to be able to be with that person threw THICK and thin, NOT just thin... Once you've roughed it out with your sweetie, then you can say you really truely love them... I'm done.