Some things are better left unsaid.

KaLeY BaBy 13: so yeah.. i can't change..
KaLeY BaBy 13: and i care for him
KaLeY BaBy 13: a lot kinnis
KaLeY BaBy 13: thats why i keep pushing this break up thing
KaLeY BaBy 13: because i know
KaLeY BaBy 13: he can find someone a lot better.. you and i both know that
KinnisT31:
he doesnt feel that way
KinnisT31:
he loves u
KinnisT31:
lots
KinnisT31:
he just needs his own time sometiems
KaLeY BaBy 13: i keep hearing this
KinnisT31:
THEN Y DONT U GET IT?
KaLeY BaBy 13: CAUSE I KEEP GIVING HIM SPACE
KaLeY BaBy 13: AND ITS NEVER ENOUGH
KaLeY BaBy 13: OUT OF 4 DAYS.. we've hung out once
KaLeY BaBy 13: waht does he want?
KinnisT31:
I DONT GET TO HANG OUT FOR BUT LIKE 3 DAYS IN 2 MONTHS I DONT WANNA HEA RIT
KinnisT31:
u have no idea
KaLeY BaBy 13: no i don't..
KinnisT31:
so enjoy wqhat u have
KinnisT31:
bc ti could b worse
KinnisT31:
enjoy the fact that a guy loves you
KinnisT31:
and wants you around
KaLeY BaBy 13: why you gotta make me cry =[...
KinnisT31:
because I dont ahve it anymore
KaLeY BaBy 13: i wanna hold him now.. and i can't..
KaLeY BaBy 13: i'm sorry..
KinnisT31:
enjoy what u have kaley
KaLeY BaBy 13: i'll try..
KinnisT31:
if u have to then just think about ebing in my position
KinnisT31:
19 months of being faithful and I am repaid with the opposite
KinnisT31:
enjoy that u ahve someone who lvoes u
KinnisT31:
and is faithful to u
KaLeY BaBy 13: i'll try but it takes time for someone to change..
KaLeY BaBy 13: i need to fix my past before i can do that
KaLeY BaBy 13: like my sister said
KinnisT31:
chyea
KaLeY BaBy 13: " you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else"
KaLeY BaBy 13: and i have to tell you kinnis i hate myself so bad..
KinnisT31:
there we go\
KinnisT31:
dont

But the thing is I can't help but hate myself.. No one understands that. You can't tell me to love myself and expect me to meraculously love myself... I'm very insecure, and I take it out on Ethan. Because he's the closest thing I've got to feeling like I mean something. If that makes sense.. If not, he has the power to make me feel like I'm the most important person in the world. He is very capible of doing that.. My parents, they make me feel like shit, and their way of "motivating me" is makeing me feel like a nobody. My sisters, they don't see how far I've come since I was 6. They still see me as a childish nonrespectful brat. So when things get hott, they call me out on being all of that and I'm not. I know that. But i'm constantly getting hurt by Ethan. When he doesn't say I love you, or tells me im beautyful. Even at the fact he hasn't (can't say ever cause he's done it once) explained to me how much I mean to him [[as if anything couldn't get worse i just had an episode with my dad, i'm to the point where i wanna run away.. - you know what? I can't finish this... Not now.. I'll come back..