I don't have a title..

Its getting dark.. I'm outside sitting on the concrete near where my garbage cans are now. I'm crying. Dad comes storming out the back door , off the porch and into th back yard. He throws his hands up to the sky and with everything he had he screamed to heavens " TAKE ME GOD! ".. My mom comes out the back door crying her eyes out. Their fighting over something to do with me. I remember the reason vaguely. " I HAVE NO REASON TO LIVE " . He continued shouting to God.. Its my fault. It must be. He has no reason to live? I'm not worth living for. He's fighting cause of me. I'm the cause of my mother's pain, my dad's hatred. It's not the first fight to be caused over me. It's the first time he actually looked at me and told me he was leaving me. First time he stuck to his word, packed his bags, and left without a goodbye. Am I that much of a fuck up? I'm young, light weight. My mom picks me up and holds me for what feels life forever. She keeps telling me its not my fault, and he'll be back. But I say nothing cause I know It IS my fault. He doesn't return for a while. I haven't talked to him in a month.. When I did, I told him I was sorry, I missed him and I promised I wouldn't cause anymore fights. He cried , and came home that night. Many more fights followed. Reasons were always the same. He never left again. Yet he threatened us. On a weekly basis that he would do it again. We couldn't survive without him. My sorrow turned to hate and disrespect. Years later. He said the same thing " I'll just pack up my shit and get the hell out of here, see how much you'll miss me then ". For once I don't beg him to stay. I don't get on my knees and tell him I need him, nor do I cry. He looked at me for those things but I didn't give it to him. I gave him what he deserved.. I told him I'd help him pack and find a hotel because me and mom didn't need him. I told him I was sick and I was tired of letting him hurt mom and make me feel like the cause of every fight and every tear. I turned my back and I didn't speak to him until he said he was sorry. For once he apologized, that was four years ago. To this day, I swear he has never threatened to leave us again. Fights have never been as bad as they used to be. They're also rare. Because he knows .. we don't play his games anymore.